Let me start this post by asking that you please leave a comment. This is a thought-work in progress, so I would love your input.
I have been leading a group of men at our church for almost a year. We have been through doctrine, the spiritual disciplines, and now we are learning about what it means to be a spiritual leader.
My wife has been leading a womens group for the last few months as well. I don't know exactly what they are studying but I do know I have seen growth in the women of that group, including my wife.
These two groups may be the most important thing we are doing at Seacoast right now as far as discipleship goes. Heres why I say that.
I believe something is very wrong in our culture when it comes to gender roles. I don't need to say it, you know it too. It is completely out of whack and perverted from what God designed it to be. As part of God's redemptive plan for the world, this is an area that we as followers of Christ should be working with God to redeem.
The more I talk to couples in trouble, the more I see that the gender role is a huge issue. Even more than the favorite relationship killers that we all know about, communication, fidelity, and finances. I am starting to believe that you can't address those issues and have any success until the couple sees and accepts responsibility for their God given role in the relationship.
Here is Eph. 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
This is the key verse for the Love and Respect Conference that we are hosting this weekend at Seacoast. When we get the roles right, life is better...and I think, culture is changed one couple at a time, one generation at a time. I love how Emerson Eggerichs sums up the gender roles in his book "Love and Respect"...he says the man's role is "first among equals" and the womans role and desire is "to be of first importance". Again, as in all of scripture, the responsibility lies with the man for both of those. The man must consider his position one of equality, but he is first in responsibility. Just like Adam. When Eve and Adan sinned who did God go asking for? Adam. Adam was held responsible. And just like then, his sin and our sin as men today is a sin of omission. Something we are supposed to do, but don't.
As men, we are to know our position and our responsibility. We are to lead...first among equals. And we are to love our wives in a way that they know they are of first importance. Im beginning to believe that the way to change culture is to teach men how to be men. What do you think?
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4 comments:
I think this is very true. Tough sometimes life's little surprises makes it harder. In some relationships though the guy won't step up therefore the woman is forced to take over the role of leader in the household. It's not fair but that's how it goes. Then just to become a single mom but at least already with the head of house position understood. Then once they meet a new significant other an they move on with their relationship it becomes hard to let go of things. Past experiences tend to hold us to the way we do things and our children learn from what they see within their household. Things would be so much easier if things were as God intended them to be. Women I believe have more than their share to do and worry about without having to deal with things her husband should be dealing with.
As a woman, there is a great struggle within. To everyday feel like I am the first consideration would be wonderful, and I know that my husband would agree that to feel respect from me first would be wonderful also. Luckily, I married a great guy and often know that I am his first consideration. I think the largest struggle is 'who starts first?' Do I show respect for my husband even though I don't feel his love, or should he love me first even without feeling my respect? I think that's how a lot of arguments and resentment begins.
Amanda, that's the $64,000 question! Who starts first? I guess the answer would be: The one who places the greatest value on the sustainability or survivability of the relationship.
The trick is somehow short circuiting the negative cycle and slowing getting momentum toward a new cycle. Eggerichs calls it getting out of the 'crazy' cycle and into the 'energizing' cycle.
Also I would say to someone who is the only one showing good will within a relationship that grace doesn't wait for an apology. It is just freely given to us so that we can freely give it to others. NOT always the easy thing to do, but someone has to take that first step.
In regards to the post...that is why I feel such an importance for discipling men. I want the MAN to be the one to model grace and forgiveness and fight to the death (of his 'self')for his wifes respect. Just as Jesus fought to the death to offer us grace, we as men should do the same for our spouses.
I just read your follow-up comment. I love that "grace doesn't wait for an apology."
Throughout that conference I was giving thanks for Daniel. I realized how blessed I really am! It's been so helpful just to remember that he doesn't have ill will towards me. I don't know why I assume the worst sometimes. Heat of the moment stuff, I guess. Terrible, but true. It was very encouraging. I'm so glad you guys put it on, we'll definitely go back again.
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